Bridesmaid?

Happy hump day!

A time comes in every girl's life... well, not every girl's, but quite a few... when your friend gets married. It's kinda difficult for me at times. We've been around each other a while. We've both endured the single life and lamented over the lack of prospects.

But now, she's found the one.

And there's a part of me that's sad and envious even though I'm very happy for her. This has been a long time coming for her. Now she's getting married in a bit over a month and for the first time in my adult life, I'm a bridesmaid. I've been one before, but never in the capacity I am now. I bought my dress and I'm participating in bridesmaids-y events on my own. I feel so grown up.

However, I'm just a bridesmaid. And she has a closer friend that's her maid of honor. I feel a twinge of jealousy. Well, of course they have a closer past. They've been through lots of things together and our friendship is more of a casual one.

But I'm just a bridesmaid. Just a participant in the ceremony that's left out of conversations during planning parties and not included in on group selfies.

And then when they day comes, chances are, I will be escaping to the bathroom to cry.

I'm really sad that I'm nothing but happy. This is my dear friend who I have seen going through a terrible breakup, being hung up over a guy and then finally after a long wait, has found someone to spend the rest of her life with.

But I want that too. To meet someone who is willing to take a risk on me. Yes, it's really selfish, but I do feel that way. I'm approaching 30 quickly and it's tough being that one single person when all your friends have been married for years. I've felt the growing apart. As they settle in to their couple life, the conversations become more difficult to endure because it's all "we" and plans for the future and the babies that eventually come along.

But, I started this blog to feel happier about my singleness, so I won't dwell on that too much. I am really looking forward to the wedding though. Seeing her in the dress makes me feel so giddy. Like it's really happening. And I'm a part of something beautiful.

That's enough to make me happy.