It's not always what it seems

Oh how I have wanted to blog, but something called an 8 hour workday combined with little nieces and unread books on my Kindle have gotten in the way of that.

So what brings me here tonight? A panic attack. Simple as that.

Everybody knows Facebook. It's that place where you brag about how awesome your life is, or if your life sucks, people pump you up to make you feel better.

But when you're like me, and you have nothing fantastic to brag about (well... I guess I do have some things) Facebook is where I go to see how much my life sucks.

Well... my life rocks.

But still, every now and then I'll spy the wild relationship status change. At first I'm all "Yay! Like! " and then five minutes later, it sets in. Real hard.

A reminder that I'm still single and I have one less single friend.

It feels like being part of a duo. You're inseparable! Everything is fun and you're able to share awesomeness with them and then you're alone screaming "I THOUGHT WE WERE IN THIS TOGETHER!!!"

That's how it feels.

And then comes the whole "What am I doing wrong? Why not me?" and then I sob myself to sleep.

A bit of an exaggeration.

But there's a little something I have in my mind that's keeping me a little more balanced. About 9 months ago, I was in the bathroom crying at a wedding reception. Why? Well, the happiness was overwhelming from the bride and the groom. I told myself I would just have fun and not be sad, but I just couldn't. He was too proud of himself and was in love with the idea of being in a relationship and getting married. She was known for being no good but magically turned into daughter-in-law material while they were dating. They were one of those couples on Facebook.

Just knowing how they were and that they managed to find love baffled me when I couldn't get a guy to look my way even if I was on fire.

Well, 9 months and a baby and signs of insincerity later, they're separating.

What does that tell me?

Stop being jealous!

So once this panic attack subsides, I'll be getting back on the happy train. And I totally need to. Got my friend's bridal shower to go to!

Bridesmaid?

Happy hump day!

A time comes in every girl's life... well, not every girl's, but quite a few... when your friend gets married. It's kinda difficult for me at times. We've been around each other a while. We've both endured the single life and lamented over the lack of prospects.

But now, she's found the one.

And there's a part of me that's sad and envious even though I'm very happy for her. This has been a long time coming for her. Now she's getting married in a bit over a month and for the first time in my adult life, I'm a bridesmaid. I've been one before, but never in the capacity I am now. I bought my dress and I'm participating in bridesmaids-y events on my own. I feel so grown up.

However, I'm just a bridesmaid. And she has a closer friend that's her maid of honor. I feel a twinge of jealousy. Well, of course they have a closer past. They've been through lots of things together and our friendship is more of a casual one.

But I'm just a bridesmaid. Just a participant in the ceremony that's left out of conversations during planning parties and not included in on group selfies.

And then when they day comes, chances are, I will be escaping to the bathroom to cry.

I'm really sad that I'm nothing but happy. This is my dear friend who I have seen going through a terrible breakup, being hung up over a guy and then finally after a long wait, has found someone to spend the rest of her life with.

But I want that too. To meet someone who is willing to take a risk on me. Yes, it's really selfish, but I do feel that way. I'm approaching 30 quickly and it's tough being that one single person when all your friends have been married for years. I've felt the growing apart. As they settle in to their couple life, the conversations become more difficult to endure because it's all "we" and plans for the future and the babies that eventually come along.

But, I started this blog to feel happier about my singleness, so I won't dwell on that too much. I am really looking forward to the wedding though. Seeing her in the dress makes me feel so giddy. Like it's really happening. And I'm a part of something beautiful.

That's enough to make me happy.

Finally my IKEA desk

I'd been eyeing the Micke desk from IKEA ever since my first visit a few months back. I was seriously kicking myself for not getting it then because it was all I could think of. I just wanted to return to get it.

And get it I did. My brother and I put the whole thing together over the course of two evenings.

I'm still trying to get everything back in order, but I am indeed welcoming the extra space.

Especially the drawers. Two drawers to organize all my junks. I couldn't be happier!!!

Enjoying my youth

I'm about to hit 30 now. It's not sad until I'm all looking at my friends and how they're doing stuff... Had two people I know have babies recently, my closest friend getting married... Saw my dear friend from elementary through high school get married recently. And don't get me started on how my Facebook looks... Oi, the envy.

I shouldn't feel that way. Compared to them, I can do whatever I want to without having to think about anybody else. And that I did.

Sunrise into Georgia

Everyone else was going away and I was gonna be home alone so I packed my overnight bag, hopped in my car, and set off for Atlanta early early early (like before 6:30am) in the morning with just an energy drink by my side.

This is something I would so do again. Totally. In a heartbeat. As long as gas prices are reasonable.

My main reason for going was to get a Micke desk from IKEA but I had to finally go to the Super H Mart in Riverdale since my brother has been suggesting me to go like forever. There I was introduced to the lovely cream cheese buns from Tous les Jours, a Korean French-style bakery. Gotta give them props for having goodies that are not too sweet.

Obligatory ramune purchase

Along with that, I got some ramune and Pocky as well as a pack of Choco Baby. I was just too drugged up on energy drink that I could barely do anything more than wander the aisle looking at things to try anything adventurous.

Then I got all the goodies from IKEA for my desk as well as a few other edibles.

Basically the weekend can be summed up as I bought a lot, I ate a lot. And it was awesome.

Went home the following afternoon. I kinda wish I stopped more, but I was just anxious to get home so I could call my first ever solo road trip in my new car a success... I need more weekends like that. I'm already planning to go back again to enjoy a few other things Atlanta has to offer. If I were more inclined, I would so move there.

Trying this blogging thing again

I'm back again!

Oh my life is so busy! Between work and various hobbies, sometimes I feel that I don't have time for anything. But today, I'm taking time to do blogging. It's been way too long. I keep taking pictures and never sharing and doing things but never really doing much more than tweeting about it. It's a tiring life, but I'm enjoying it.

And I think chopping one thing out of my life, that'll leave me with time to actually blog... Keep some record of the cool things in my life as I do them. Well, I like to think they're cool.

But one thing that I'm so annoyed with a lot of bloggers that I used to follow. They used to have cool blogs. They'd talk about their lives and then I'd be inspired, and I actually liked my life better back then. But then suddenly, the blogs just became heylookwhatijustbought.com instead of heylookhowcoolmylifeis.net. Quite a boring difference.

So I'm gonna inspire my own life!

And that's about it...!

How I had a chunk of my life taken away from me

Yes! I haven't posted in forever! There's only one reason. One reason only. You see, my dear guild leader, I guess he felt I was too lonely and nagged him too much, so he was like, "Why don't you play League of Legends? "


Seriously, I had now idea what this craziness he was talking about was. Well I did know a little. I knew of a few people who play LoL. And coincidentally, I discovered this Tumblr /web comic made by a girl dating a LoL player. And of course, everything in the comic went over my head. And he asks me to play a game when my computer can't really handle fancy games and stuff?
This was really an are-you-kidding-me moment, but I downloaded the game anyway. And in between the tears of being frustrated and getting yelled at and just plain sucking, I came to enjoy the game.

I still kinda suck. And I don't really have many people to play it with (the guy who got me playing leads a WoW guild with some of the other people I play with) plus the random teams I play with, they don't provide the level of social interaction I desire. I can't say I love the game, but I'm enjoying it.

Right now, my favorite champion is Miss Fortune. She's quite easy mode and I can stay alive and kill quite easily with her which is a surprise because I typically like playing support. I still do like playing support every now and then with Soraka but that is rare these days.

Well, it's back to normal life. It seems like I work more than anything T_T

I love my cellphone!

Another post from me. I'm enjoying my weekend still. Just trying to do all the things I want to do before the work week begins again. And strawberries. Lots and lots of strawberries.

A few months ago, I finally upgraded my old feature phone (an LG Dlite) to a smartphone! After much debating, I ended up choosing a Sony Xperia U. It's seriously so tough choosing a smartphone. Like seriously. All of them look alike and most are very masculine. But if you want one with any style, you have to pay out the wazoo for it.

That sucked for me considering at most I would just be texting and taking pictures with my phone. I almost didn't even upgrade because my current phone was (and is still) working perfectly and all the phones I saw had ridiculous prices even for just the most basic phones. But by chance I spotted the XU for just $219 and bought it immediately.

Did a little bit of customizing to it to suit my needs. I was inspired by the clock widget for the F-03 Girls (otherwise known as the Popteen collaboration phone). I just had to make my own with UCCW. I still want to tweak it a little, but as far as I'm concerned, it's perfect.

I've downloaded quite a few apps for it. Mostly apps for editing photos and quite a few camera replacement apps. I really really loathe a lot of the stock apps and I'm thankful there are replacements. Probably the most awesome app is one that does very little but makes all the difference in the world: Illumination Bar Notification. By default, the phone only has a very small, very dim LED for notifications that you can't even see in the dark while the light up bar below the soft keys sits there and does nothing. Like, it does nothing at all 99% of the time. But with that app, you can take control of it so that it's actually useful. Thanks to it, I never miss a text :3 Best of all, you don't need root access.

I could rattle off a massively long list of apps I adore, but that would be better for another post some other time. Maybe I'll do that one day.